Shit has hit the fan!

Man alive! The shit has really hit the fan! For the past week - since my last post - I've been busier than a fifty-cents whore in a $5.00 whore house!

And without any of the benefits!

Sorry I couldn't get part II of R&H edited and posted.

Really, I'm late for an appointment now! It's 7:10pm - I called and told him I'd be late. Now for a quick 15 minute drive.

After that another appointment at 8:00pm.

Damn! I've been so F-ing tired this whole week!

Excuse the not posting, PLEASE!

Later,

Gray

Religion vs. Homosexuality (Part I)

[Note: Part I, of this two-part post, is about personal feelings. Part II is about how religious works view homosexuality.]

Preface:

I know that I have been delaying posting on this subject. Honestly, I do not know how many times I have written, deleted and rewritten this post! It's not that I wanted to do a scholarly text on the subject; I just wanted to write some deeply held opinions without being hateful and I wanted to back up my opinions with some facts. I honestly feel that this could be better written if I just let my emotions loose. But, I want to keep this as emotion-free as I can. After all, I am a Christian man who no longer believes in any one special denomination; so, I simply want to write from that perspective. OK. Here it is. It is not the way that I really want it; but if I do not post it now, it will be months before it is done OR it could be a book with many chapters instead of just these two parts. Your comments are welcome but, please, do not be too harsh. I do not claim to be a theologian or a religious scholar.

---------------

There has been much written on many gay-oriented blogs about how people use religion to try to convince homosexuals that the homosexual "life style" is an abomination and, therefore, that the individual homosexual will go to hell.

After reading The Underground Notes' post in particular, I became so irate that I stopped blogging for awhile. I wanted to consider how to properly respond (without emotion and without hatred but with facts). In order to do so, I decided to research the subject from two points of view: the conservatives' and the liberals'. So this post is to offer what I have found. First, however, allow me to offer my personal point of view on the subject.

I guess that what galls me the most (when it comes to religion and homosexuality) is the hypocrisy of many Christians. Judaism and Islam do not recognize Jesus Christ as the Son of God and therefore do not consider His teachings as the Son (although Islam does recognize Him as a prophet). On the other hand, Christians (supposedly) follow the teachings of Christ. Why then do they, above all religious people, "cast stones" at homosexuals? Are they without sin?

I write this now as I scream it in my head: Right wing religious zealots who castigate and shun homosexuals can only blame themselves for pushing homosexuals away from God, Jesus Christ, Mohammad, The Bible, The Koran, The Tana'ch (or The Torah) and religion - all religions! If anyone claims to be a "religious person" while condemning another of God's children then THAT person will have to answer to God for showing such intolerance and for having such an unforgiving attitude!

Allow me, as a religious person and a Christian, to say: May God forgive them. They will all need that prayer from everyone they know at "THAT PARTICULAR TIME" (i.e. after death, facing God and answering for their own sins). OK. Enough of that. Suffice it to say that my religious upbringing was (very, very apparently) quite different from the "better than you" stone-throwers!

Here is something for the Christians (and other religious folks) who insist that they just cannot forgive a person for being homosexual that I must interject before I move on. Presentation Ministries writes (on its website), "Why do we refuse to forgive? Are we controlling those who have hurt us by punishing them and thereby protecting ourselves from further harm? Not really. When we try to manipulate others through unforgiveness, they rebel. Our enemies suffer minimally from our unforgiveness compared with the damage we do to ourselves. The verdict we pass on others is passed on us (Mt 7:2). Unforgiveness is a fatal poison which cuts us off from forgiveness (Mt 6:12,15), healing (Sir 28:3) [Blogger's Note: in Apocrypha - Part VI], prayer (Mk 11:24-25), and worship (Mt 5:23-24).

The ministry finishes by saying, "Then, when we are separated from these graces, we are handed over to torturers (Mt 18:34). These torturers are not people, but worse. They are such experiences as fear, depression, frustration, anxiety, self-hatred, and loneliness. As these and other torturers work us over, we deteriorate to a level of existence which is characterized by fruitless, compulsive, escapist activities."

All well and good. However, I wonder if forgiveness is even necessary. God, after all is the Omnipotent One - is he not? Is He imperfect? Does He make mistakes? After creating the universe, the world, all creatures, and mankind did he not say that it was good? If religious zealots are to be believed and homosexuality is wrong, then they are saying God is wrong (i.e. He is imperfect) for allowing homosexuals to be born.

Oh, that's right - according to some - homosexuals choose to become homosexuals. Can any of God's creations be so stupid that they would actually believe that? Would anyone choose a life that is so frowned upon? A life of ridicule and hatred for his or her very existence? I doubt it! I know that I did not choose to be homosexual any more than a heterosexual chooses to be heterosexual. God has allowed mankind to make its own decisions - right or wrong - and those who choose to believe that God is imperfect for allowing homosexuals to be born will have to answer to Him.

Another blogger (in Debriefing The Boys' post) describes his best friend (a professed Christian) saying that, "He thinks it's our duty as Christians to strive to bring the world back into line with what it was originally meant to be. He can't understand how homosexuality could be a part of that original perfect plan." I must ask, just who on God's earth ever said that homosexuality was not a part of God's plan - the "original perfect plan"?

Perhaps Christians, Muslims, Jews and others should be more concerned with whether their intolerance and even, in some cases, hatred of homosexuals and homosexuality is part of God's "original perfect plan."

[Note: Part II, also written, deleted and rewritten countless times, will be posted within the next 48 hours - I need to check it and/or rewrite it again!]

Happy Easter!

Happy Easter, everybody!



Don't eat too many eggs....



...or, too many chocolate bunnies!

What am I up to?

I know that I have not posted for a little while - again! But I am not going to apologize for that because, quite frankly, I've been busy. Swamped, actually.

I sure have not done my body any favors. As you all know: when you burn the candles at both ends.... something has got to give! You're right. I've screwed myself again by overdoing it. So now, with one hour of sleep last night and 4 hours of sleep the night before, I am burnt-out and, of course, have a new - hopefully minor - infection (this one in the urinary tract).

Why there? Well, when I am swamped I forget to eat and drink. Naturally, when anyone does that, the old kidneys don't get flushed out - not to mention the low blood sugar! :( Yes. Yes. I know that I am old enough to know better. Unfortunately though, it still happens from time to time.

I'll be posting again right after Easter. I have two posts on "Religion and Homosexuality" that are ready and one written on my legal pad that I might or I might not post (it's sort of a crude topic). But I would feel just a little uneasy about posting any of them at Easter time. Especially the religion ones!

Until next week, I hope you all enjoy the Easter weekend and I hope that none of you are dumb enough to get this burnt-out!

Toilet Brush Sex!?!?!?

OK. I will apologize in advance. I am sorry to report that the following is, according to Canada's CBC.ca, true. I stumbled upon the news via the FARK.com website.

On March 19, 2007, writer Tobi Cohen of the Canadian Press filed a story entitled, "Allegations of bizarre sexual abuse sees psychiatrist vow to quit practising [sic]."

In the story, Cohen relates the story about a Toronto psychiatrist who submitted his resignation to the College of Physicians and Surgeons of Ontario for alleged criminal activity.

The shrink, identified as 63-year old Dr. Juan Ernesto Tejeda Rosario, will be facing six criminal charges when he appears in an Ottawa court on 5 April. The charges were originally filed on 31 January and were briefly described in the article as follows (not in order).

* "Tejeda engaged in sexual acts with a patient both inside and outside the clinical setting between 1989 and 2005."

* "He had oral and anal sex with one patient, had the man masturbate in his presence and instructed the patient to masturbate him."

* "Tejeda paid his patient's girlfriend $3,000 to keep quiet about the relationship."

* "Tejeda often gave the patient money and that he engaged in sexual fantasies in which he discussed roughing up the patient."

* "When the nature of their relationship was disclosed to officials at the Ottawa Civic Hospital, Tejeda allegedly assisted the patient in retracting his statements."

* "...[The] allegations of bizarre sexual abuse... included the assault of a male patient with a toilet brush."
OUCH!!!

Well, no matter what anyone thinks about the good psychiatrist, I honestly feel that a toilet brush would make any patient forget about his past troubles!!

Or, as FARK.com so aptly put it, "If your shrink wants to stick a toilet brush up your ass as part of your therapy, you may not actually be the one with the problem."

Observations At A Local Restaurant

Why do really good looking men wear scruffy-looking facial hair that detract from their otherwise handsome features? [Note, added later: Oh hell! I just realized something! The guy I was referring to here is the same guy that I gave a book to last month. He's a waiter at the restaurant, young (in his 20's), very handsome and, yes, now wearing a scruffy beard. Too bad; he really does look more handsome without it.] I like facial hair on some men - from a mustache to a full beard! But, can we agree on this: some men just simply look much, much better without facial hair (especially when the hair is scruffy). Honestly, some guys look like they are trying to cultivate on their faces something that grows wild around their assholes!

Come to think of it, why do good looking men, who seem to possibly have good-looking physiques, hide their bodies with baggy clothes (including oversize shirts) that hide the contours of their bodies? Could it be that they are more "trend-aware" then they are aware of their own good looks? Or could it be that they care not for others to be able to admire their physiques? Their firmness? Their youth?

Are they fearful of another person (male or female) admiring their hidden or disguised features? Some polls are pretty specific. Of course the face is usually the first thing that people are attracted to. In fact, women usually look at a man's eyes first (43%). But, getting to the clothed part of the man, women tend to look first at the guy's groin (11%)! Then, in order, they will usually check out the area of his butt (10%), his chest (7%), his arms (5%), his abs (4%) and then his shoulders (no particular percentage given). Finally, in random order, they will check out a guy's lips, hair, teeth and smile. So, basically, the clothed part of a man's body is what about 38% of the women look at first. One particular poll says that gay guys first check out the groin (32%), the butt (17%) and then the eyes (15%); next would be the chest (10%) and abs (8%). So, 63% of men look at clothed areas of another man's body first.

I guess what all of that tells me is that young men obviously do not want to have any man or woman attracted to him. No? Then answer this question: If young men do want others to be attracted to them, why on God's green earth do they wear baggy, oversize, and otherwise ill-fitting clothing? Because they only want to be wanted for their intellect? Oh, please!

Of course, while pondering this question, I did have to admit to myself that some men look younger than they desire to appear; therefore, they grow facial hair and wear baggy clothes to hide their still-maturing bodies. Perhaps that is the reason for "the cover-up!"

Let's face it guys. Short, stocky guys in baggy sweaters and baggy pants appear to be short, fat guys - no matter how well built their physiques might be; if they are short and fat, then they appear to be fatter!

Slightly taller, slightly pudgy guys with good fitting pants and baggy, oversize shirts (that are not tucked-in) look like they are trying to hide their beer-bellies - which makes one believe that their hidden asses are fat as well.

By hiding their bodies, an onlooker is, naturally, forced to look at their faces - which, as was the case with one young man I was looking at, one might see chin whiskers that draw the eyes away from his pockmarked cheeks (definitely a reason to have whiskers - but a full beard!! Not just chin whiskers!!).

It used to be that men and boys wore clothing that fit - a nice body and/or a nice ass was immediately evident! It used to be that men had neatly kept hair and clean-shaved faces - good looks were immediately apparent! Men and boys looked and usually were clean - and it showed!

The biggest problem of them all is probably that if a young man were dating today (with the need to be "in") he probably has to dress like he's wearing his fatter, taller brother's clothes. Also, he must demonstrate that he is either mentally or physically incapable of learning how to work an electric razor - or, God forbid, to learn how to apply shaving cream and remove it with a safety razor.

Oh hell! Who knows? It could be that if this old man were to wear baggy clothes and look like the blimp that I once was then maybe, just maybe, I might be able to get a date. Ha! I can just picture me decked-out that way!!

8 Reasons Why I Have Not Been Posting

[I will comment on each of these items in (soon-to-be) upcoming posts. I swear that THAT is a promise!!]

1. A very disturbing post by "R" ("The Underground Notes," February 26, 2007: "Downward Spiral" - you will have to scroll down - my link setting is messing up right now!) over two weeks ago concerning the trap that his mother had set for him - in collusion with the family's minister! [I WILL comment on this in the next day or two!!]

2. Comments on other weblogs about how - and why - they (the bloggers) are not comfortable posting anything about ANY private things about themselves.

3. Uncomfortable feelings that have arisen when remembering details of past events.

4. The ability to, finally, get out and be amongst the masses once again!

5. READING BOOKS!! For the first time, in a long time, I am enjoying reading books much more than being on the Internet!!

6. Laziness!?!?

7. Not having a computer when I felt like writing something. [That has been cured by carrying a yellow "legal pad" and a couple of pens in my pockets. Now: I write when the mood strikes! -- Yes! I do have a "laptop" Mac; but, it's too heavy with its titanium case AND (having already dropped it twice) I don't like to carry it!!]

8. Things that "popped" into my head: I have not written about somethings because I thought that I should stay on topic. [That changes, starting today! I will get back to my 20th year - in Atlantic City - in short order. However, I want to write about some other things that interest me in the mean time!!]

Ok guys. Bear with me, please. I don't know what is going on in my head! I am not kidding about this! Ever since I remembered being molested as a child ("Born Gay? Made Gay? I Sure Didn't Choose Gay!", July 17, 2006) (what a fucking revelation that was!!) I have been questioning an awful lot about myself and my life. I have been wondering if my homosexuality was based on, I'll write it, "natural selection" or if it was based on a childhood nightmare that was almost erased (until, while blogging, I remembered it).

Well. After all is said and done. It doesn't matter. No matter how it happened: I'm a fag and there is no way in God's green earth that anything is ever going to change that! So. I have decided to start sharing my feelings on those eight topics (above) while still inserting interspersed incidents of my life. [NOTE: I am NOT limiting myself to those 8 topics!!]

This blog has really never had an honest-to-goodness format. Honestly, now at least, it may never have one! I have to decided to write about what interests me at the time and (unlike before) to interject things that have happened in my life ONLY when I feel like writing about them. I hope this might make things a little more spontaneous AND a little more comfortable for me to write about!

So: Please bear with me as I try to get this going more in the fashion of a "what's happening now and what am I thinking" blog instead of a "this was my life way back when" blog!

Lord love a duck! [An old Southern saying.] If I do this right, I (me, myself AND I) might - just might - get re-interested in doing this!

P.S. Have any of you other guys noticed that a lot of bloggers "burn out" within the first year? Well: I am going to try to NOT be one of them; so, again, bear with me.

PLEASE!?!?